Dear Aunty Jen,

Dear Aunty Jen,
My husband and I are raising four beautiful children. Our oldest daughter, age 15, has admitted to us that she has been drinking alcohol at parties on weekends. She says she never gets drunk but always has one drink because "everyone else is doing it" and she doesn't want to look "weird."



My husband and I never drink. Alcohol is not served in our home. Our daughter is an honor student and never has caused us any trouble. She says we should appreciate her honesty and not be angry with her. How should we handle this?



— Beside Ourselves in Bebek\



Dear Beside Ourselves,
I know this must be hard for you to deal with. You just want the best for your daughter, but she does not understand. I agree that you should appreciate her honesty, and you should tell her so. I do think, though, that alcohol is not a good habit to pick up, and is not something to do just because your friends say to. You should tell her that if her friends are the type that will only accept her if she drinks, then they are probably not good friends to have. You should also tell her that you love her and care about what she does, and you care that she is drinking underage. She is only 15, so you can still ground her from going to parties. You have authority over her, and parents are not supposed to be the child's friend, they are supposed to be the child's parent. You should just give her the "we are very disappointed in you" gig. That always worked on me. Sit her down and explain the seriousness of alcohol and its effects on people. Tell her you are not neccesarily angry with her but more disappointed and sad. Tell her how it makes you feel as her parent. Reiterate that in your house there will be no drinking of alcohol.